Wednesday, February 20, 2019

I have such bad nightmares some nights they leave me unable to break free of them even after  I wake up. I scream and cry and sometimes I am in a whisper to my husband telling him there is someone who just left the room and I’m scared. I talked to my psychiatrist about it and he told me its part of my P.T.S.D. which he now figures is Complex P.T.S.D.   It’s hard to understand that someone who was physically and emotionally abused for years since the age of 15 can still be diagnosed  with the same mental illness as a solider who fought in a war. I blocked most of the abuse that I had suffered but from the bits I can remember  I know it was bad. It makes me really upset  sometimes when I think about how what that low life fucker did to me is something that will be forever a part of my life.
He still lives and terrorizes me most every night in my sleep and some days I lay in the bed for 45 minutes after I awake trying to make the dream more normal and seek out an escape route and the dream have a happy ending but there is none.
My psychiatrist put me on a pill that would help with the nightmares and it did for awhile but the dreams never stopped just some nights they are not so intensified.
The pill is called prazosin and I’m on a very small dosage but I am thinking about getting the dosage raised and see if that will give me some kind of relief.
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2 comments

  1. I’m so so sorry your still suffering
    That’s the biggest issue after abuse
    I too was abused as a child and suffer also
    Even though my abuser is now dead he can still reach his hand out from the grave and affect me
    Although I’m getting better everyday. I hope you do too

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank You Angela. I am getting much better also except for the dreams.

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“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” — Elisabeth Kübler-RosS
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